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Personal Safety Within an Abusive Relationship
· Identify your partner’s use and level of force, manipulation, and other abusive strategies so that you can assess danger before it occurs
· Identify safe areas of the house where there are no weapons and there are ways to escape. If you partner’s anger becomes escalated, try to move to those areas.
· Keep any weapons like guns and knives locked away and as inaccessible as possible.
· Try not to wear scarves or long jewelry that could be used to strangle you,
· If possible, have a phone accessible at all times. Some advocacy programs may be able to provide you with one.
· Have important phone numbers nearby for you and your children (i.e. local shelters phone number)
· Let trusted friends and neighbors know of your situation and develop a plan, as well as a visual and/or verbal signal for when you need help.
· Have friends, family members, and neighbors be part of your safety plan (i.e., call the police during any abusive situation)
· Call the prosecution offices, shelters, and other agencies in your area to assess your options and ways to get support.
· If you need assistance leaving, call the police.
· If you are injured, get medical attention and ask them to document your visit
Ÿ Keep personal information and valuables hidden
Ÿ Keep a journal of all abusive incidents (noting dates, events, threats) make sure it is well hidden or with someone whom you trust.
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Safety When Preparing to Leave
· You may request a police-standby or escort while you leave
· Plan for a quick escape.
· Make a plan for how to escape and where you will go.
· Leave an extra set of keys, copies of important documents, extra clothes and some money for yourself and your children with a trusted friend or neighbor in case you have to leave your home quickly.
· Know where you can get help.
· Contact an attorney, prosecution office, and/or community based agencies, to obtain helpful information about laws and other resources.
· Acquire job skills as you can.
· Obtain a personalized safety plan from a professional Victim Advocate
If time is available consider taking:
Identification
▪ Drivers license
▪ Birth certificates
▪ Social Security Cards
▪ Welfare identification
▪ Citizenship Documents (passport, green card, etc…)
Financial
▪ Checkbooks and information about bank accounts and other assets
▪ Credit Cards
▪ Titles and other property information
Legal Papers
▪ Protection orders
▪ Car registration and insurance papers
▪ Medical and school records
▪ Health insurance, Medicaid papers and medical cards
▪ Marriage license
▪ Divorce and child custody papers
Other Items
▪ House and car keys
▪ Medications/Prescriptions
▪ Valued personal possessions
▪ Phone numbers (address books)
▪ Toys
▪ Immunization records
Safety After You Leave the Abusive Relationship
Consider obtaining a civil protection order (there is no fee).
· Do your best to safely avoid all contact with your ex-partner.
· If you need to meet with your ex-partner, do so in a public setting.
· Inform family, friends, and co-workers of unwanted contact with your ex-partner and tell them to contact the police if they see him/her.
· Tell family, friends, and co-workers to be mindful of anyone who may be trying to obtain information about you to assist your ex-partner.
· Provide the apartment manager, security guard (if available), and/or neighbors with a picture of the your ex-partner and tell them to notify police if they see him/her hanging around, hear concerning noises from your home, or see any suspicious behavior.
· Inform trusted neighbors of any anticipated vacations so they can keep on eye on things.
· When appropriate, consider changing your locks and putting in stronger doors, security system, and motion detectors. You can contact the local police department to get assistance on how to enhance security in and outside of your home.
· Remove your name from entryway doorbells and/or P.O Box.
· Get an unlisted telephone number and obtain a P.O Box.
· Positively identify persons before opening the door—install wide-angle viewers in primary doors.
· Be alert at all times for suspicious persons.
· Report any unwanted contact from the abuser to the police.
· If you do not have a cell phone, attempt to get one, or have extra change to be able to use a public phone if necessary. Victim service programs may be able to provide you with a cell phone for emergency 911 uses only.
· Document all contact from the abuser and keep any letters, e-mails, or other items sent to you by the abuser.
· If you think you are being followed while in your car call 911 or drive to the nearest police station. Never drive to your home, to a friend’s, or to a relative’s house.
· Contact an attorney, prosecution office, and/or community based agencies, to get information about filling for divorce, child-custody, counseling, and protection orders.
How to Protect Yourself at Work
· Notify your employer and security about any protection orders you have.
· Notify your employer of any court appearances you may have to attend.
· Provide a picture of the abuser to your supervisor and security.
· Don’t go to lunch alone.
· Ask your supervisor, co-worker, or security guard to walk you to your car or bus stop.
· If the abuser calls you at work, save voice mails, e-mails, or any other items sent to you by that person.
· Ask your employer if your phone extension, working station, and/or work schedule can be changed.
· Screen calls and incoming mail.
· Vary your route to and from work.
Safety with Children
· Teach your children how to get help. Teach them how to get to safety, to call 911, to give their address and phone number to the police, and your ex-partner’s description.
· Identify and practice hiding in a safe place and develop an escape plan with your children.
· Avoid, when possible, having a confrontation where the children are.
· Instruct your children not to get involved in the violence between you and your ex-partner.
· Plan a code word or signal to let them know that they should get help.
In Schools/Daycare
· Inform your children’s school and/or daycare of any protection orders and/or custody orders that are in place.
· Be sure your children know who to talk to at school and/or daycare, if they need help.
· Give the school and/or daycare a list of certain friends and family member who have permission to pick up your children.
· Instruct the school and/or daycare not to provide your address or phone number to anyone
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